First few days back at work

So I was working already for 3 days.

How do I feel about it now? Still confused and emotional. The evening before my 1st day I cried a lot. I couldn't even read the bed time story for Alex. I was so nervous,  that I couldn't fall asleep. Alex woke me up twice during the night and I woke up at 5am and couldn't fall asleep again. While leaving the house I wanted to cry again!  Alex was still in bed so she didn't see me go. I was glad, because I wouldn't be able to leave that easily if I would see her that morning.

I started at 7am at work. Managed to get an access to the building quite fast. I asked the security if I need to submit any form and was told that I'm fine until April. That made me laugh because I'll be on maternity leave again by then.

When I arrived to our new office and to my desk I nearly cried again. My hubby left Alex's photo on the desk. I went to the kitchen to get some water and went back to my new seat. I was a little bit calmer already. The office was nearly empty. Only a few people start that early. 

Nothing was working except for the phone. I wasn't able to log in to the computer until the afternoon, so I went a few times to see some colleagues, get a priority parking permit etc.

I was happy that I finished early and could go home when Alex would be still up. I called home and got a few calls from my hubby asking what to give her for lunch etc. But that wasn't enough for me just to hear them.

When I opened the door,  they were waiting for me there. Alex wanted to go to me immediately and she held me tight around my neck. Smiling and looking at me. She didn't want to have her nap that afternoon,  maybe she was afraid I might go away again.

The next day I started at work later. So when Alex woke up I was just getting ready. We cuddled a little, then she had her breakfast with daddy and I left while she was still busy eating. I didn't feel that bad, but still wanted to stay home. My PC access got sorted and a few little things too so I finally did some work.

But during that day I didn't feel well. The chairs are very uncomfortable especially for someone with softer joins etc. My tailbone really hurts. It was the same during my 1st pregnancy, but it was OK this time until now. Then my bump hurt and I didn't know why. When I walked it was better. So I had to change my position often. 

The day was long even though I had plenty of things to do. My arrival home was similar to the previous day. Only this time Alex patted my shoulder like she was telling me that's OK, that she loves me even if I am not there. She didn't even let me go to the bathroom alone, but I didn't mind. I was so happy to be home with her and daddy.

You know, I always liked my job. From one point of view I'm happy to be back. Be in contact with new people and my great colleagues, but my priorities changed. My carrier is not that important to me anymore, family comes first and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Every day away from them doesn't feel right. I wish we live closer so I could go home during the lunch break. 

The 3rd day started same as the 1st one. Family still sleeping while I left. I didn't feel that sad and because I knew, I will finish early and be with them whole afternoon.  Only the next day will be tough. Starting late and working until the evening. We'll see how it goes.

Unfortunately I didn't arrive home early at all. I already had to do an overtime, due to a training which took longer than it supposed to. At least I can finish another day earlier and will definitely use it next week ;)

So only one long day and the weekend will be here. Can't wait to spend whole day with my little one :)